Miss World ‘Click And Yr Mine’

Yesterday evening I went to an AIM dinner, which turned out to be a lovely evening with great conversation, good food, and free flowing wine. I left around eleven to get the train home, and feeling a little tipsy and wearing shoes that are a little too big for me, I fell into an older man when the train suddenly swerved. It was a bit embarrassing, but I laughed it off and apologised…and then he kept laughing. For at least 3 agonising minutes. After he had finished chuckling to himself he proceeded to try to chat me up, asking me what I did for work, my childhood, and of all things whether I consider myself ‘artistic’. All the while, he was edging his leg closer towards me, wedging his brogue-clad foot squarely between mine. What the hell? Was he seriously flirting with me? Firstly, he was old enough to be my dad (in fact, he was probably older than my dad), and he looked like Paul O Grady if he worked in IT. Why would he think I would be interested in him? That I would reciprocate? Then it dawned on me – he didn’t expect me to reciprocate. He didn’t care if I was interested, or even enjoying the conversation. This is something that is all to common – and once you are aware of it, you will begin to notice it everywhere; men invading women’s personal space, their moments of quietness or solitude, to strike up a conversation that I’m fairly certain even they find mind-numbingly dull. This is because when women are in public spaces, their time is considered a commodity to be used and abused, as Lindy West surmised in a wonderful article for The Guardian a few years ago:

‘He wanted her attention and it was her place to provide it. The guy was friendly, gregarious, poised (as if he’d been through these motions before) and even though he didn’t say a single sentence with any substance whatsoever, his delivery was studiously, unimpeachably innocent. He couldn’t be violating anyone’s boundaries – he was being “nice”! What’s next – are the feminazis going to outlaw smiles!?’

In other words, these tube-botherers and coffee-shop-pesterers believe women are placed on this earth for the entertainment of lonely old men, and all we can do is nod, smile politely, and wait for the next tube stop to escape. This kind of awful douchebaggery is symptomatic of men who will do ‘whatever they can get away with’ to women in a kind of hideous power play that I’m sure they wank about when they get home. On paper, these men are doing nothing that could be construed as sexual harassment. Why then, did I leave that train creeped out and drenched in sweat? This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, which is why I am so angry about it. It’s actually a fairly regular occurrence and I am sick to death of smiling and nodding at boring old (and young) men. In the future I will make sure to carry a fake blood capsule to pop into my mouth – ready to smile and let the red liquid ooze and dribble out all over my chin the next time someone makes me feel uncomfortable in a confined space. ANYWAY, I’ve been listening to this super cool track ‘Click And Yr Mine‘ from previously featured artist and all-round badass Miss World, AKA Natalie Chalal. Featuring sugary sweet vocals, seventies style tambourine and seriously fuzzy guitars, Chalal sings an ode to online shopping and puts up two fingers to boys who tell girls what to do. DOWN WITH THE PATRIARCHY!